In Memory of Caitlin, Our Wisteria Melody

In the midst of the bali bali (Hurry! Hurry!) mentality of this fast-paced, dense city of Seoul, I was thankful to find solace and serenity at a picnic table outside of Samyook University International Church this Sabbath. Spring is nearly here, so with the sunshine casting its penetrating rays of light on me and the fresher air breezing by, I enjoyed my moments of silence--just me and God.

This week I received word that one of my dear friends from my university was dying, losing her battle with cancer, and that she only had a few days left. I immediately sent her an email, knowing that she could not respond, but hopeful that someone could read her what would be my last words to her. Last night I heard the final news--that she had fallen asleep on Thursday night.

I am thankful for this, for she has fought this disease for a few years. I am thankful that she did not die in pain and that she no longer has to suffer. At the same time, I know that even amid the suffering of her body, she never seemed to complain about her circumstances or stop living a joyful life because of them. I remember something she wrote on her blog last year--about life being a gift that God has given us. And so now, I want to reflect on the gifts that God gave me through the life of Caitlin.

Our last suitemate picture together, May 2012

I first met Caitlin during my freshman year in college. She was my suitemate. When I first came to my university, I knew no one, and since I was not good at making friends, I feared the first few months that lay ahead. But from the very beginning, I was welcomed and flooded with love from my roommate Kristin and my suitemates Christy and Caitlin. Because Kristin and I were roommates with the same name, Caitlin was the one who first fondly nicknamed me Little Christen--a nickname that has stuck amid our circle of friends.

Caitlin had a beautiful voice. Every Friday night, a group of us would gather and sing hymns a capela in a chapel that had a nice echo. Her alto voice was deep and strong. It resounded and many times penetrated my heart. The hymns she sang with such joy, thoughtfulness, and sincerity. Caitlin was also a gifted violinist and pianist. Whenever she played, I felt like the music flowed from the beauty of her soul--of Christ living in her.

Martina and John's Wedding Reception, May 2012

Caitlin's giggle always made me smile and was very contagious. Her eyes twinkled and almost seemed to laugh whenever she had a bright smile on her face, which was more often than not. When she wasn't smiling, it was because she was comforting someone in sorrow. I remember one night in particular when I was alone in my room, she and Jen came over to see me and show pictures from the orchestra tour in Europe. After that was over, they both left, but Caitlin came back to talk with me. If I remember correctly, that was one of the moments when she asked me, "How are things with your heart?" I couldn't speak. I was struggling at that time--I don't even remember what the situation was--and I started to weep. She just held me and waited until I could speak, and then she listened and comforted and advised and prayed with me until my heart was at peace.

One of the many notes she left on my desk at SAU,
unless this one was from Martina who followed in her footsteps....

I remember how much she loved to exercise. She did triathalons, was a skilled swimmer, and whenever we went hiking, she skipped along, enjoying every moment. She also loved to bake. She taught me how to make bread. Her bread and soups were always amazing, and it was because of her and a few others that I realized I could become a vegan if only I could cook like them.

Sometimes she would leave notes and flowers on my desk to encourage me.

I remember that it was mostly because of her godly counsel that I began doing mission work as well. She encouraged me to go to Guatemala for the Share Him series and to go to Korea as well. So I feel like I can say that she played a big part as to why I am here today.

The night of Caitlin's RN graduation, December 2007


Caitlin & Saralyn, December 2007

I remember how, during the summer and our times apart, she would call at random times. We always had difficulty connecting, but whenever we did, we had wonderful conversations.


One of the most beautiful things I remember about her, though, is how in-tune she was with God and how much she knew about and loved Him. Her Bible was tattered and marked up on every page. She had read it so much that the binding was falling off, so Jen made a lovely personalized, Tree-of Life cover for her and had her Bible re-bound. During our weekly group Bible studies, Caitlin always shared deep, impressive thoughts that led me to draw closer to God.

Caitlin was beautiful inside and out. When I think of her, I think of this verse:
"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ" (2 Corinthians 2:14).

Our last picture together, May 2012

And in my pensive solitude this Sabbath morning, God gave me this verse to remember Caitlin as well: "Blessed are the people who know the festal shout, who walk, O Lord, in the light of your face, who exult in your name all the day and in your righteousness are exalted; for you are the glory of their strength..." (Psalm 89:15-17).

I look forward to the day when I can see Caitlin again in a perfect body, when the Lord calls her name at the resurrection, and we all go to heaven to live with our Savior forever (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18), for it is He and He alone who can transform our lives in this way and cause us to leave such a positive and far-reaching impact on others as did Caitlin.

7 Months Later . . .

You know you've been in Korea for a long time when . . .

You start smacking your food
You choose to use chopsticks, even if forks are available
You eat cake, fruit, cookies, and chips with chopsticks, too
You don't say "Excuse me," or "Sorry" when you run into someone or shove your way into or out of the subway
You have the ability to shove in and out of the subway at rush hour without wincing
You choose to stand in the bus or subway car for 30-45 minutes, even when seats are available, just because you're used to it
You walk for 17 km with your roommate just because you can
You bow your head to greet someone older than you or to thank someone
You hand things to people (even other foreigners) with both hands or with one hand touching your other elbow
You catch yourself correcting a student's English mistake with Konglish (Korean English)
You forget how to speak English
You speak three different languages in a single conversation
Tteokbokki is one of your favorite Korean foods--vegetarianized, of course
Jjinja becomes a regular part of your vocabulary
You enjoy eating goguma and only goguma for dinner (Korean sweet potato)
You can play PUMP
You enjoy sharing food


You know you're still a foreigner when . . .

Your landlady comes up to you on a regular basis and speaks to you for 20 minutes or more in Korean and you aren't able to get the message across to her that you don't speak Korean
You sit in silence as the church members jabber away in Korean
You play with your food while students that you went to dinner with talk in Korean and just wait for them to stop to translate for you
You go to Itaewon at least once a month for dinner and imported foods
You still don't like most Korean foods and can only eat Korean food 3 times a week
You get stared at in the subway
Random people come up to you to practice their English
You give your taxi driver the wrong directions
When you mention certain Korean place names, you get blank stares because you didn't pronounce them correctly
You don't like kimchi
You still prefer to eat cereal for breakfast
Fish markets still gross you out
Every day you travel is an adventure
You're the only one you know who can cook pasta and be praised for it
Older women pull your hair in the subway to see if your curls are real
You get told you're beautiful almost every day
You laugh at Koreans for looking in the mirror everywhere they go or for putting on makeup in public
You get frustrated by the lack of human rights that Korean employees have
You know that New York is a state and not only part of a city name
Most Koreans don't want to take a picture with you because "your face is too small"

Thoughts on Separation

I had my way,

When I begged of you to stay.

You chose never to leave

My side.

Our lives went on.

How happy we were—

How happy I was

That you stayed.

We laughed together more,

Traveled and explored,

Spent every free moment

In each other’s company.

But if I had known that,

By my way,

You’d lose eternity,

I would not have selfishly begged you

To stay.

If I had known

That my selfish desires

Would lead you astray,

I would not have asked you to stay.

Would I?

God, forgive me.

These words came to mind as I lay down to sleep this evening. They struck me in a powerful way. I was thinking of how sad it is that close friends have to part ways. I have been blessed to make dear friends from all over the world—from various parts of the USA that I may never see, to South Africa, to South Korea. It’s only a matter of time before we part company, and the special times that we have spent together will become only a memory preserved in photographs. The likelihood of my seeing any of these people again in this world is very slim.

Separation is hard, especially when our hearts have been knit together in kindred Christian love. My selfish desires would have all of my close friends from all over the world always accessible—living nearby and able to spend time with me. But then I thought, that is not what God put us on earth to do. Yes, we are social beings meant to love one another and enjoy each other’s company, but our goal is not to solely develop and enjoy relationships on this earth. Our goal is to strengthen our relationship with God, come to know HIM, and bring people to Him—for it is through Him that we have life, and that more abundantly (John 17:3, John 10:10).

Because of this, God has created each one of us with special talents, and God wants us to use those for His glory. He has a great and special plan for each of our lives. Sometimes that means that He will send us to the ends of the earth to leave our family and friends behind. Wherever He sends us, we will start over and make new friends, but then the time may come to move on. If we choose to disobey God because of our selfish desires, we are intentionally ignoring His will and weakening our relationship with Him.

What’s worse, though, is the influence we can have on others. By pleading with people not to leave us due to the selfish desires in our hearts to have those dear to us ever near, we are treading on dangerous ground. We are, in a sense, asking them to choose us above God. And thus, we are leading them away from Him and from growing in the faith.

Paul went to his death in Rome, and in his travels all along the way, people prophesied what would happen to him there and begged him not to go. But what did Paul do? Although he wept with his friends, he showed them the value that God held in His life. Serving God was his top priority, and the thought of dying for his faith did not sway him from remaining faithful (Acts). This is the way our lives should be: with God as our first love and number one priority, we will 1) choose to follow Him wherever He may lead, and 2) not hinder those dear to us from serving Him. Rather, we can encourage them in the work.

In the end, we will see that the temporal pleasures that we would have gained in this life by our selfish desires do not even compare to the joys of heaven. It is because of Him that we can all meet again in eternity—in a perfect world void of evil, sorrows, pain, fear, and separation.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Now that I've got a four-day weekend ahead of me, I can finally catch up. However, now I've forgotten nearly everything I was going to say . . . so we'll start with Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Day was just another day here in Korea. We all worked in the office from 8:30-6, and I came home and baked some sweet potatoes for dinner. What I looked forward to all week, however, was the Thanksgiving dinner in Ichon coming up that Saturday night (November 24). I would be meeting up with some friends there, and we would be fed a traditional dinner by some foreign church members. An added bonus to the weekend was that my friend Sarah had no weekend responsibilities, so she came to visit me on Saturday, and we headed over to the dinner together that evening.

Right after we got off the subway, we ran into Kecha, a member of our orientation group, and an older couple that we had met somewhere before . . . None of us really knew where to go to get to the banquet hall. We walked for a while until Kecha got a phone call and had to go back to the subway station to meet a friend. Then I called the lady in charge and asked for directions. We found that we needed to turn around and go back the other way, so as Sarah and I started back, the man turned to join us, but his wife had other plans. Sarah and I were fascinated with them from the very beginning when the woman refused to take the escalator that her husband wanted to take out of the subway station, and she went to take the elevator alone. Now when we began to walk, she nearly got on a bus without him, and he had to run to catch up with her. We didn't actually see what happened with that, but they arrived at the banquet hall significantly later than we did. Sarah made me laugh when she said, "You can tell who wears the pants in that family." Haha. The woman wasn't mad at him or anything. She just took charge in every situation.

Anyway, the evening was great. The dinner turned out to be for all of the foreign teachers within our organization, so I met a lot of new people and found some old friends as well, like Kecha and Joy. The meal wasn't the best Thanksgiving dinner ever, but for Korea, it was awesome! I have never been so excited to see familiar foods. The room was decorated beautifully, and the atmosphere was incredible. It truly was one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever experienced. I felt like, for a few hours, I was back at home in the States with one big happy family since all of us are really united through the same experience.

Melissa, Kecha, Joy, and Sarah 

Homemade pumpkin cheesecake, strawberry cheesecake,
and carrot bread

Bargaining in Namdaemun

I have so many blogs to write, but before the week escapes me, I simply must record one story that happened on Sunday before I forget. :)

Sarah and I planned a shopping adventure at Namdaemun Market. Namdaemun is one of the largest outdoor markets in Seoul. Unlike some markets that are geared more towards Koreans or foreigners, this one is kind of a toss up. One can buy souvenirs there, but just about everything else is also sold in the market: clothes, shoes, silverware and tableware, military stuff, traditional Korean fast foods and desserts, toys, stationery . . . I could go on forever. So while Sarah was on the hunt for souvenirs to send home for Christmas, I was on a search for winter boots.

Our first real snow here was on December 3. It has been bitterly cold ever since. Thankfully the winds haven't come yet, though. On average, the temperature has been about 14 degrees Fahrenheit--that's below 0 degrees in Celsius. It snowed three days that week, and the snow isn't melting. I think it's here to stay for a while. . .

After we had wandered around the market for a while, we came upon a larger-than-normal shoe store. You see, you can really buy shoes anywhere in Seoul. Shops are all over the place--including every subway station. But it's hard to tell how good the quality is, especially when the price is under $10. So this shop was a walk-in one. We took a peek, and decided to check it out. Thankfully, one of the workers spoke a decent amount of English to understand that I was looking for snow boots. Immediately he took me to the back of the store and showed me a large display of them. I had no clue what to choose! There were far too many options. I stuck my hands down a few of them to check out their warmth and then requested to try on three different pairs. At last, I decided which I liked best, but it just was too small.

Shoe sizes here are measured in centimeters, so my typical shoe size in the States (7.5-8) is about a 245-250 here. I requested a 245 first. Tooo small! Then a 250. That didn't work either. Granted, I was wearing two pairs of socks, one of which was wool. Finally I asked for a 255. The man stood aghast. Surely my feet couldn't be that big! His coworkers were just as surprised. I just laughed. . .

Well, he went and got them to try on me (store owners actually put the shoes on for you), and sure enough, they fit.

In between all of this, I continued to ask him in Korean, "How much is it?" and he continually refused to tell me. Eventually, when he realized I was close to making the purchase, though, he bragged that the boots were made with cow leather and gave me a price for two different ones. One was over 200,000 won, and the ones I was wearing were 180,000 won. I was shocked--especially after seeing so many pairs of shoes for 10,000 won (granted, the quality wasn't that great). After seeing that price on his calculator, I was about ready to walk out. I've never spent that much money on shoes, and I wasn't about to start then. I told him in Korean, "I don't have that much." However, he really wanted to make the sale, so he told me he'd give me a discount, and when I refused that amount, he asked me to quote him a price. So I typed 50,000 won in his calculator. "Oh my-----" he repeated over and over, astounded that I would stoop so low. He shook his head and typed in another number--maybe 165,000 won. I continued to stay, "No. I don't have that much," in Korean. We had this whole conversation with smiles on our faces, and it was actually rather fun. This is the first bargaining experience I've had where I haven't left the shop owner upset. In any case, this continued for a while. I refused to budge much past my 50,000 won mark. I pushed it up to 53,000, and he still couldn't believe it when he was dropping by the tens of thousands. Eventually he got frustrated. He took my hand, and Sarah laughed as she watched what happened next. He took my index finger and blew on it--like gamblers blow on dice, and then used my finger to type in 68,000 won into the calculator. Now I knew I was getting somewhere. I took my hand back and typed in 55,000 won. He repeated the previous action, but once he realized I wasn't going to exceed 55,000 won, he conceded. He let me try on the shoes one more time, and while I was walking back to do that, I noticed another pair that looked nice. He sighed, afraid that I was going to make him go through this all over again, but I didn't. He then pulled out some inserts. "Servic-uh," he said, which means "free service." He put them in the boots, but when I tried to walk, they were too tight again. Still, I asked to keep them for the future when I don't have super thick socks on. So he brought out his calculator again and typed in 57,000 won. "No, no!" I argued. He asked me to type in the amount again, and I returned to 55,000 won. OK. He finally gave up and charged me that amount. (That is the equivalent of about $50.)

I walked away a happy girl. So did Sarah. She bought a cheaper pair of boots, but she decided not to bargain. She laughed and told me that they could take the extra money as a donation for what I didn't pay.

And here is a picture of the boots. I figure he wouldn't have sold them to me at that price if he weren't still making a significant profit off me. And now . . . I'm set for winter!

Working in Textbooks

This post has been a long time coming. I apologize for the delay.

So at the end of October, I was moved to the textbook office to edit new junior English textbooks. This experience has taught me five things: 1) patience, 2) that I must never choose a career in the publishing field, 3) that editing is solely a hobby for me, 4) that God's timing is perfect, and 5) that God may answer our prayers as we desire in order to teach us that we don't know what's best for ourselves.

My first cubicle experience. Seventeen of us work in this room.

Months before coming to Korea, I prayed for this opportunity--to work in the textbook office here so that I could decide whether or not publishing should be my chosen career. At the time,  I was considering a graduate degree in publishing.

When I was first moved to the textbook office, though, I was upset. I had not wanted to leave my school and students that I had come to love. Still, God had reasons for putting me in this position at this time, and I am thankful for those reasons. But now I know.....editing can only ever be a hobby for me. As a full-time job, it is painstaking. I recall that Samuel Johnson, the writer of the first major English dictionary, once called himself a "harmless drudge" in his definition of a lexicographer. For the past several weeks, that's what I have felt like--a harmless drudge.

I sit in the desk where you see the green coat.

Still, there have been some fun parts about editing all day. One is the Korean exercise routine that we do for five minutes twice a day. It is quite enjoyable and hilarious. I tried to record it, but my camera would not allow me to record the whole thing. Another pleasant part of the job is the food. Several days a week, people bring in snacks--tteokbokki, rice cake desserts, ramen . . . I don't always eat what they bring, but it always provides a nice break for everyone to stand around the small snack table and chat while eating. Truly, though, my favorite part has been noticing hilarious mistakes that occur through translation. Since the book writers are all Koreans, I and my foreign friends edit and rewrite a lot. One of the Korean writers, who is my favorite (but don't tell anyone), tends to say "Wow...." whenever I rewrite an entire passage and questions and answers in front of him in such a short amount of time. One day he asked me for my secret, and another day he said, "English is your mother tongue. I cannot catch you up." Clearly he meant to say, "I cannot catch up with you." It was a cute mistake.

In any case, I gradually have been making up at list of amusing things for this particular blog post, so enjoy! :)

She looks nice on her outfit.

"Would you pass me the napkins, first?"
"Well-done, please."

"Then we all enjoyed walking on the beach and having a sun bath."

Green Hair Salon (I changed it to Sally's. Images of Anne of Green Gables could not escape my mind when I saw this name.)

new spapers

He lost his parents at the amusement park, and one man took him to Lost and Found.

What is the main purpose of the email?
To look for steak and hamburgers at the restaurant

A family is planning a travel to India.

You can learn insect watching and also observing wildlife.

Steak is made with meat.

Sometimes I forget to turn off the oven and burn the cookies. (Kinda sounds like you forgot to burn the cookies....)

Tomorrow he is going there to get a perm. He is so excited. (Sad part: this is not a mistake. Korean men get perms and wear makeup...)

What do you have to do to take care of your pets?
I clean their house once a week. (talking about hamsters)

She made snowmen and had snowball fights with them.

I have a toothache.
Put a Band-Aid on it. (This was actually intentional.)

The Lost and Found Family

growing pets

Why does the girl like going to the bookstore?
Because she can read freshly printed books there.

"Once I used a spoon to stir the food, and I put it in the microwave."
"Did you see many lightening storm?"

I love how language is so diverse and how humorous it can be when we try to translate from one to another without one of them being our native tongue.

And now for a few coworker pictures....

And here is a short clip of our exercise routine. Enjoy! :)

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is not just a day. It is a manner of living. Paul encouraged the Thessalonians to "rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (1 Thess. 5:16-18).

Lately I have been failing in this regard, so I am taking the time now to back up and survey my life--to re-prioritize and review the blessings of the last several months that are leading me into this year's Thanksgiving Day.

Living in Korea has made me appreciate things that I always took for granted, so while some of the things in my list may seem simple or questionable, it is likely because they mean much more to me now than they ever did before.

This year, I am thankful for:

God's faithfulness and constant refuge in spite of my unfaithfulness and lack of trust
the support, encouragement, and fellowship of like-minded believers
untainted mountains and rivers
every whiff of pure, fresh air I get
effective communication
helpful people, whether or not they speak my language
acceptance
a job
a warm bed
a refrigerator
a stove top
a washing machine
the Internet
warm clothes
legs and feet that can carry me anywhere and everywhere
God's constant protection as I walk the streets of Seoul, one of the biggest cities in the world
friends and family in every corner of the world who contact me at the times when I need them most
good news after a difficult day
prayer
the Bible--those words have LIFE
birds
sunsets
being able to see the moon and maybe one or two stars on a clear evening in the city
bread
beans
the joy and innocence of children
the knowledge that God is using / can use me for His glory if I just let Him
contentment with appearance
respect
laughter
Costco and E-mart
Western food
the values that have been instilled in me
my education
returned smiles
peaceful, familiar music
books
online sermons
my backpack
honesty
integrity
the opportunities for new adventures with new, amazing people
the Adventist connection
providence
sleep
health
life
my mom--yes, I saved one of the best for last :)

What are you thankful for?